As an Army wife you learn to take things with a grain of salt. Every one has an opinion and most of the time its offensive. There are the people who tell you that the war your husband is fighting is pointless when a simple "thank you" would be just fine. Then there are people that think we live this life for the pay check (idiots) and health insurance. It is very rare that we come across those that truly understand that we are just lucky enough to be married to absolutely incredible men that have stolen our hearts.
I guess the point in writing this at midnight is to explain a few things. When you ask if I'm okay, I'm not. I'll simply tell you that I am because I know that telling you that I am an emotional wreck is not the answer that you are looking for. Let's face it; you wouldnt even know how to respond to that. Just like the thousands of other spouses going through this situation, I apologize to my daughter every day that her daddy is not here to watch her grow up, cry myself to sleep every night and then put on a smile to get through the day. I play recordable books as she falls asleep so that our daughter will know her daddy's voice and show her pictures so that hes not a stranger when he gets home. I constantly play through "what-ifs" in my mind and at 23 years old I know my husbands wishes for his funeral and have his will in my hand. I set alarm clocks at crazy hours so that I won't miss his calls and watch endless hours of tv so that I can escape from an extremely harsh and terrifying reality. Unlike many people my age, I am not worried about finding beer money or where the biggest party is. My priorities are different and in my opinion, much more significant. It annoys me when you tell me that you miss your boyfriend who is away for the weekend, but I won't tell you to your face. Just because your boyfriend/husband works 3 days on/ 4 days off doesn't mean that your life is comparable to mine.
I'm honestly annoyed by the countless Facebook messages asking if I'm okay. Maybe I'm ungrateful, maybe I'm just a bad person... but in all honesty, I would think that it goes without saying that I am not okay. I miss my husband. I miss sharing my life with my soul mate. I hate living 5000 miles away from my friends and family just to be alone but I know that my husband needs me to stay here. The next time that you want to ask the family of a deployed soldier if they are okay, I beg you to ask them if they'd like to talk about it instead. We're not okay. We're surviving until our lives return to us.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Going Bat Shit Crazy
The last two days have made me feel like I am a complete mental case. I've considered that possibly I am living in the twilight zone or did an illegal drug without intending to, but at the end of the day I am either nuts or the entire rest of the world is.
It started yesterday...
I was sitting in my office minding my own business when the maintenance guy came in to tell me that my car had been hit. The lady who backed into my car had left the scene but he had gotten me all of her information. I called the police and after our 30 minute meeting in the snow, they went to the address that was associated with the vehicle. Turns out, the car was registered to a dead guy and the house was empty. Sooo, being me, I walked around the entire building insisting that someone must have information on who was driving that ugly red truck. Finally, a secretary at one of the law offices told me that it matched up with one of their clients and gave the lady a call. Within seconds I got a call from the driver, who yelled AT ME, claiming that there was no damage to my car. After she came and met up with me and the police, I showed her the massive dent that she put in my/ Jareds car. (I don't know whose dang car it is because its his but I drive it and he drives "mine") she tries to convince the officer and I that it is not illegal to hit and run if you did not think you caused damage.
Whatever.
Today started off fine... Until I woke up. I have this stupid heart monitor that I have to wear for another freaking month because the heart doctor did not fix my heart during surgery... I have not worn it in a week (or so) because I am sooo freaking allergic to the sticky things. Today, I decided to try and put it on with the sensitive skin ones for babies that they just sent me. After about 30 tries and a lot of wasted sticky things I realized that they don't actually stick... which is probably why no one is allergic to them. Anyway, I called the heart monitor place to ask them what to do next and they said that this typically happens in hot climates... WHAT? I'M IN ALASKA! ITS NOT HOT! They also said that sometimes the stickies don't work on "larger" people. okkkk at this point I am sort of flattered because I have NEVER and I mean NEVER been referred to as a "larger" anything... Well, maybe a larger bitch.. but thats not the point. During the entirety of my phone call with these jackasses they referred to me as Maria. After 15 corrections, I gave up. Whoever Maria is, she must be fat, in a ridiculously warm climate area and have the same shitty heart thing that I do.
I literally think that I am going bat shit crazy. If there is not an actual definition for that yet, there should be.
It started yesterday...
I was sitting in my office minding my own business when the maintenance guy came in to tell me that my car had been hit. The lady who backed into my car had left the scene but he had gotten me all of her information. I called the police and after our 30 minute meeting in the snow, they went to the address that was associated with the vehicle. Turns out, the car was registered to a dead guy and the house was empty. Sooo, being me, I walked around the entire building insisting that someone must have information on who was driving that ugly red truck. Finally, a secretary at one of the law offices told me that it matched up with one of their clients and gave the lady a call. Within seconds I got a call from the driver, who yelled AT ME, claiming that there was no damage to my car. After she came and met up with me and the police, I showed her the massive dent that she put in my/ Jareds car. (I don't know whose dang car it is because its his but I drive it and he drives "mine") she tries to convince the officer and I that it is not illegal to hit and run if you did not think you caused damage.
Whatever.
Today started off fine... Until I woke up. I have this stupid heart monitor that I have to wear for another freaking month because the heart doctor did not fix my heart during surgery... I have not worn it in a week (or so) because I am sooo freaking allergic to the sticky things. Today, I decided to try and put it on with the sensitive skin ones for babies that they just sent me. After about 30 tries and a lot of wasted sticky things I realized that they don't actually stick... which is probably why no one is allergic to them. Anyway, I called the heart monitor place to ask them what to do next and they said that this typically happens in hot climates... WHAT? I'M IN ALASKA! ITS NOT HOT! They also said that sometimes the stickies don't work on "larger" people. okkkk at this point I am sort of flattered because I have NEVER and I mean NEVER been referred to as a "larger" anything... Well, maybe a larger bitch.. but thats not the point. During the entirety of my phone call with these jackasses they referred to me as Maria. After 15 corrections, I gave up. Whoever Maria is, she must be fat, in a ridiculously warm climate area and have the same shitty heart thing that I do.
I literally think that I am going bat shit crazy. If there is not an actual definition for that yet, there should be.
Friday, January 7, 2011
You have a problem, I don't!
I am getting so sick of people judging me... why is it that assuming that a fat person eats too much is socially unacceptable but assuming that a skinny person does not eat enough is okay?!?!? I used to get this crap in middle school and high school. Eventually, I grew into myself, gained confidence and looked back and laughed... I can say with 100% confidence that every person who ever talked badly about my weight/ appearance is extremely unattractive and clearly had jealousy problems.. Before you talk about how conceited I am and judge me off of a post about not judging, you should probably keep reading, asshole...
As everyone probably knows by now, I had a heart procedure a few weeks ago. It did not work, to say the least. I tried to get ahold of the doctor but of course he's super busy. You can be the best doctor in the world but if you have no time, you do me no good. Sooooo they got me in to see a nurse practitioner. (an overweight, nasty, man looking NOT A DOCTOR lady who gave me dirty looks from the second I stepped into her office) After the doctor called and had me put back on a heart monitor for 30 days and all sorts of new pills, I wanted to get my medical records and hopefully get a second opinion. Everything seemed great... The doctor had very detailed notes from all of our office visits and surgery. He explained every symptom to a tee. He emphasized that I am always happy and energetic and have a very positive outlook on life. He stated that I am well nourished, have healthy skin, great hair (thanks doc! I'll give you my hair girls number...) and that I don't let my health stop me... Then I got to the notes from the nurse practitioner... who is NOT a doctor... she had that I am a negative person, don't seem to take my illness seriously (does she want me to be depressed??), that I am angry and anxious... okay fine.. I don't care.. she judged me off of my response to surgery not working.. but it gets better... she put that I look like I am deteriorating, losing fat and muscle mass and that I clearly look ill. She compared me to that of an HIV or Cancer patient...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To compare me to people that are literally dying because their bodies won't hold fat because they are terminally ill... It's a sad world. Especially when the ACTUAL doctor says that my weight is completely healthy.
PERHAPS MEDICAL SCHOOL WOULD HAVE TAUGHT THIS DUMB BITCH THAT YOU CANT HAVE SIZE D BOOBS IF YOURE STARVING YOURSELF! LOL Anyone who knows me knows that I have always been tiny and this is the most I have EVER weighed~
That is the first time I've heard that since a bunch of ugly ass, fat girls in school would give me shit for clearly looking a million times better than them...
Moral of the story: Just because you're fat does not mean I have a problem.. I do NOT make comments about anyones appearance until you talk about mine in a completely untrue manner. geeez. I'm not able to control my weight, just like you aren't able to control yours! Quit judging people off of their looks unless you want them to do the same...
As everyone probably knows by now, I had a heart procedure a few weeks ago. It did not work, to say the least. I tried to get ahold of the doctor but of course he's super busy. You can be the best doctor in the world but if you have no time, you do me no good. Sooooo they got me in to see a nurse practitioner. (an overweight, nasty, man looking NOT A DOCTOR lady who gave me dirty looks from the second I stepped into her office) After the doctor called and had me put back on a heart monitor for 30 days and all sorts of new pills, I wanted to get my medical records and hopefully get a second opinion. Everything seemed great... The doctor had very detailed notes from all of our office visits and surgery. He explained every symptom to a tee. He emphasized that I am always happy and energetic and have a very positive outlook on life. He stated that I am well nourished, have healthy skin, great hair (thanks doc! I'll give you my hair girls number...) and that I don't let my health stop me... Then I got to the notes from the nurse practitioner... who is NOT a doctor... she had that I am a negative person, don't seem to take my illness seriously (does she want me to be depressed??), that I am angry and anxious... okay fine.. I don't care.. she judged me off of my response to surgery not working.. but it gets better... she put that I look like I am deteriorating, losing fat and muscle mass and that I clearly look ill. She compared me to that of an HIV or Cancer patient...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To compare me to people that are literally dying because their bodies won't hold fat because they are terminally ill... It's a sad world. Especially when the ACTUAL doctor says that my weight is completely healthy.
PERHAPS MEDICAL SCHOOL WOULD HAVE TAUGHT THIS DUMB BITCH THAT YOU CANT HAVE SIZE D BOOBS IF YOURE STARVING YOURSELF! LOL Anyone who knows me knows that I have always been tiny and this is the most I have EVER weighed~
That is the first time I've heard that since a bunch of ugly ass, fat girls in school would give me shit for clearly looking a million times better than them...
Moral of the story: Just because you're fat does not mean I have a problem.. I do NOT make comments about anyones appearance until you talk about mine in a completely untrue manner. geeez. I'm not able to control my weight, just like you aren't able to control yours! Quit judging people off of their looks unless you want them to do the same...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Marriage
I know that I normally joke about everything but this is something that has seriously been weighing on me...
Why doesn't anyone take marriage seriously anymore? I grew up in a home with both of my parents who are madly in love with each other. Sure, the two of them argued and sometimes would have fights but at the end of the day, they were both always there and always had each others best interest at heart. I watched them argue more about each wanting to give more to the other than anything else. They would always insist on each others happiness before their own. When we first got to Alaska, we soon realized that most people here were not in the type of relationships we would want to be in. Our neighbors all sleep with each other, some with their partners consent. Many of our friends quickly admitted that they cheat on their spouses and those that didn't admit it made it very obvious. Jared is constantly made uncomfortable in his office by a soldier who always talks about wanting to "bang" other girls and constantly says how hot they are. It's as if these are casual things to talk about... people find it so normal that they do not even consider the fact that they are making those around them uncomfortable... Jared is an easy going, non judgmental person and he actually says that this guy is a complete shit bag. On TV we are constantly seeing people cheating on their spouses on Jersey Shore and Teen Mom. You could argue that they aren't married but they are in fact supposed to be committed to each other. Sister Wives is altogether creepy... Can you imagine sharing your significant other with 3 other people?! What happened to faithfulness, loyalty and trust that marriage is supposed to offer? Last night on the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patty discouraged two people to go out on a date. They didn't listen... There ended up being a very heavy set, rich girl, with a very shallow, gold digging guy. They didn't care though. They knew that it would not work for them but money and looks were on the top of their priority lists. They were willing to settle because their standard of what a relationship should be is so low. I am honestly taken back everyday by the behavior that I see in my own neighborhood, tv, internet and magazines... but when you sit down and really think about it, this is not what marriage is supposed to look like. When you commit yourself to someone, legally or not, you should be there for them through thick and thin. Their feelings should mean everything to you and not hurting them or breaking the sanctity of your relationship should be far superior to getting laid by someone who seems sexually appealing. If you're not able to be loyal, then tell the other person that. Quit being a lying piece of dirt... This is my official public announcement: from here on out, if you cheat on your significant other and brag to me about it, I WILL TELL THEM! You being a piece of shit should not put weight on my shoulders and conscience! I kind of feel sorry for those of you that are in these relationships. Jared was just saying last night that we are a unique case for this day and age.. we love spending time together. We spend every free second with each other... we wait hours to eat together and would rather give to each other than take for ourselves. If you would rather eat the last cookie or drink the last soda than watch your husband/wife enjoy it (or even share it!), you need to rethink things... if you would rather be unfaithful, lie and cheat, you need a divorce.
End of rant :)
Why doesn't anyone take marriage seriously anymore? I grew up in a home with both of my parents who are madly in love with each other. Sure, the two of them argued and sometimes would have fights but at the end of the day, they were both always there and always had each others best interest at heart. I watched them argue more about each wanting to give more to the other than anything else. They would always insist on each others happiness before their own. When we first got to Alaska, we soon realized that most people here were not in the type of relationships we would want to be in. Our neighbors all sleep with each other, some with their partners consent. Many of our friends quickly admitted that they cheat on their spouses and those that didn't admit it made it very obvious. Jared is constantly made uncomfortable in his office by a soldier who always talks about wanting to "bang" other girls and constantly says how hot they are. It's as if these are casual things to talk about... people find it so normal that they do not even consider the fact that they are making those around them uncomfortable... Jared is an easy going, non judgmental person and he actually says that this guy is a complete shit bag. On TV we are constantly seeing people cheating on their spouses on Jersey Shore and Teen Mom. You could argue that they aren't married but they are in fact supposed to be committed to each other. Sister Wives is altogether creepy... Can you imagine sharing your significant other with 3 other people?! What happened to faithfulness, loyalty and trust that marriage is supposed to offer? Last night on the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patty discouraged two people to go out on a date. They didn't listen... There ended up being a very heavy set, rich girl, with a very shallow, gold digging guy. They didn't care though. They knew that it would not work for them but money and looks were on the top of their priority lists. They were willing to settle because their standard of what a relationship should be is so low. I am honestly taken back everyday by the behavior that I see in my own neighborhood, tv, internet and magazines... but when you sit down and really think about it, this is not what marriage is supposed to look like. When you commit yourself to someone, legally or not, you should be there for them through thick and thin. Their feelings should mean everything to you and not hurting them or breaking the sanctity of your relationship should be far superior to getting laid by someone who seems sexually appealing. If you're not able to be loyal, then tell the other person that. Quit being a lying piece of dirt... This is my official public announcement: from here on out, if you cheat on your significant other and brag to me about it, I WILL TELL THEM! You being a piece of shit should not put weight on my shoulders and conscience! I kind of feel sorry for those of you that are in these relationships. Jared was just saying last night that we are a unique case for this day and age.. we love spending time together. We spend every free second with each other... we wait hours to eat together and would rather give to each other than take for ourselves. If you would rather eat the last cookie or drink the last soda than watch your husband/wife enjoy it (or even share it!), you need to rethink things... if you would rather be unfaithful, lie and cheat, you need a divorce.
End of rant :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Impossible Gummy Bear
Our one dog has been diagnosed with down syndrome... It is too cute when the other one does goofy things because she does not wear the helmet in the family.
Star Students
I absolutely love taking classes online. I have the flexibility to go to class around my hectic schedule and take school with me anywhere. However, it becomes difficult when your only participation points come from conversing with your uneducated, brain lacking classmates. Each week, it is required for participation that each student answers 3 of the discussion questions with 200 word answers and then converses back and forth with answers of at least 100 words with other classmates. This would be much MUCH much easier if my classmates didn't respond to my answers with crap like "yo, dis a good point". Not only am I confident that they are receiving a failing grade, but my answers end up looking like " I am glad that you find this point to be helpful. It is important in school to find your classmates useful. Often, your peers are a vital tool in academic success and can be a top resource..." Is that 100 words?! HOW DO YOU ANSWER SUBSTANTIALLY TO THAT NONSENSE?!!?! UGHHHHHH Don't get me wrong... I would not make fun of my fellow classmates for simply being stupid. Okay, I would, but that is not what I am doing right now. I am arguing the fact that they are terrible direction followers and should just drop out of school now. As a matter of fact, I am not sure what gave them the idea that they should ever enroll in the first place. The thing that really gets me is when I find out that they are older than my mom and still not able to follow a simple direction of "answer in at least 100 words, adding to the topic that your classmate wrote about". I actually have had classmates call me the "Wo-man". I am not sure if this is a compliment or a personal attack, but who really gives a rats behind?! It's not a social networking site and I am in no way interested in impressing these morons. The really frustrating part is when the professor messages me asking why my answers get shorter as the week goes on... REALLY? As if she could even come up with 100 words to respond that nonsense...
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Dog Poop
Apparently when the snow falls and there is no more dog poop, it is only hiding it. The poo is still there even though you aren't able to see it. It's like an illusion... Quite a shocker when you wake up to the snow melting and a yard fool of poop...All of a sudden BAM its there. Even funnier that everyones yard looks the same. We just filled 7 trash bags full of crap. No exaggeration. That was my fun for the day. It was even more fun when we went to wal-mart to get a pooper scooper and Jared told the cashier it was for him because our toilet is broken...
I hope everyones day is filled with less poo than ours :)
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