Monday, November 8, 2010

Monday Morning

Ya know, Monday's have always been my least favorite day of the week. Something about alarm clocks, getting out of bed and going to work just doesn't make me happy. But you just don't understand the depth of Monday morning shittyness until you live in Alaska.

I woke up this morning to my husband freaking out. He was going to be late to PT because his car wouldn't start. Kinda weird being that our cars are well taken care of. So what was the problem? The car was frozen. Now I've lived in Maryland my entire life and it gets pretty freaking cold there. Funny thing, THE CAR NEVER FROZE!!! I'm not saying that there was never ice or snow on my car, but the vehicle itself being frozen to the extent that it wont turn on?! That's just absurd. Sooo I got out of bed at 5:45 AM and drove my husband to work...

But the chaos was just beginning...

I had to leave for work at 7 AM, figuring that was plenty of time to drive 13 miles before my 8 AM work day started. Ha, think again. I realize as soon as I get on the highway that unless I was born in an igloo, driving in an Alaskan winter is as dangerous as swimming in a Florida swamp. No exaggeration, there must be 5 inches of snow on the roads, covered by ice. The speed limit says 65, but common sense says put it in park. I guess I just don't get it. In Maryland, there are constantly snow plows and salt trucks busting their asses to keep the roads clear. Here, its survival of the dumbest. I guess whoever is most used to driving on snow gets where they are going the quickest, especially if they are trying to go to heaven.  Now, I haven't bought the $600 tires necessary to drive in this weather but I'm assuming that they don't do much good. It was like a war zone on the highway. The people of Alaska Vs. Mother Nature and lack of State help. People were sliding all over the highway, spinning in complete circles and even playing real live bumper cars AND THEN ACTING LIKE THEY HADNT JUST HIT ANOTHER PERSON! I had a jackass behind me riding my ass as if that would make me speed up! Public announcement to this guy and mindless assholes like him: I like my life and I won't die so that you can drive 55 mph rather than 45. Your Starbucks can wait! (I didn't have the nerve to say this to him because Alaskans all have guns, known fact... And we were going 45 on the highway in a winter wonderland which is not the prime time to hold a conversation/ argument).  You would think that Alaska, which is clearly where Santa lives, would figure out that it is NOT safe to drive down a ski slope. I've seen Ice Road Truckers on T.V and determined that I should pave my career path in a different direction. Instead, I have to be an ice road trucker to get to my alternate job choice. Ugh. As if being 5,000 miles from home wasn't hard enough...

5 comments:

  1. santa is from the north pole, which is not alaska. duh. stupid.

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  2. u paint quite the visual image of the driving on the cold roads there! nice start to the blog!

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  3. The Santa thing was obviously a joke. This entire entry made me laugh, and made my day. Keep them coming! :)

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  4. Great blog! You need to post more, at least once if not twice per day. K. Thanks. You better do it. Good bye. Have a good one. G'day.

    Ps. You're probably cute xoxo

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  5. I just wanted to say that one post in and I already love your blog. I already loved your updates on Facebook but this is just soooo much better!

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