2011... what?!

When did it get to be the second to last day of 2010? This year has truly been incredible. I married my gorgeous husband, moved to Alaska, made some great friends and advanced in my education. I have tightened relationships with family and fallen totally in love with my puppies. I have been blessed with a happy home and stable income. My life is honestly amazing and I could not ask for anything more.

I am not saying that I'm not surrounded by an overwhelming amount of dumb people, because that would be entirely untrue. The amount of stupidity that I have encountered has been comparable to the amount of greatness. From stupid doctors, to smoking pregnant neighbors... to friends that turned out to be cheating whores and dogs that are terrified of snowmen, my year has been incredibly memorable and less than intelligent.

So here I am, the second to last day of the year in ALASKA... what stands out the most?
- my birthday is in a week
- I get off of work in an hour
- My family will reach the new year 4 hours before we will
- I am 1 minute closer to being out of work than when I wrote I get off in an hour
- we are going home in 2 weeks!
- Everyone keeps falling on the same ice patch in front of my office window
- My iPhone always changes the word me to mr and its so annoying
- No one cares about any of this but I don't care that they don't care
- That was only 8 things and I hate even numbers... this makes 9
- I could possibly have OCD
- Needed to make it 11

Happy New Year!!! Wishing all of you a safe, healthy, happy and successful new year...

If we've lost touch, don't be afraid to touch base. If we are in close contact, keep it that way. If I have made it clear that I don't want to talk to you, do not contact me... I hold grudges. Seriously.

I was richer before I had a job

If you don't want to read my rant, simply don't. I didn't write it to tickle your funny bone or butter your bread. If you don't like what I have to say, don't listen. Defriend me on facebook, delete my number... whatever. I dont really care... This is what I have to say and its MY blog. I dont need people telling me that they don't like it. Please do not comment on my spelling and punctuation, as I am writing this in a pissed of state and dont give two poos.

P.S.- Love you guys :) well, most of you.

So, I have TriCare Prime through the Army and have found that they pay for anything and everything I medically need, as long as they have sent me for what I am having done... Well, that was a pretty sweet deal, right? HAHA NOPEEEEE! Of course not. Things ALWAYS have to be difficult or else it wouldnt be my life.

In Septemper of this year, I began working for the State of Alaska. With my new position came additional health insurance that I was confident I would never use. Several months after beginning my job, I found out that my state insurance was in fact my primary insurance and TriCare was now secondary. Who cares? I have 2 insurers and either way you look at it, I dont have to pay my outlandish medical bills that I somehow always seem to accumulate.

So on with all of my extensive doctors appointments, health studies, lab testing and medications.

Welppppp, I started getting bills in the mail 2 days ago. In two days, I owe over 40,000 dollars in medical expenses... huh? but I have insurance. TWO insurenceS! Did you see the "s"? I have a plural amount of health insurance. OK, I am in NO way a health insurance expert, but with my old Blue Cross insurance, I had co-pays of like 10 bucks and deductables of maybe 500 a year, but with my new insurance (my math may be off) my co-pays are averaging 5,000 a pop.

So I called Wells Fargo to find out exactly WTF was going on. They explained that I had a lapse in insurance from september 30 to October 10. Anything after October 10 is now considered a pre existing condition. BAHAHHA are you JOKING?! Not only am I now in debt an ENTIRE YEARS SALARY but I do not recall EVER being fired or quitting.... SOOOOOO why was there a lapse?!

Wells Fargo told me to call human resources who told me to call Wells Fargo. In the mean time, I would not owe ANY money if I wasnt working because my Army insurance would have just paid it all...

Not to mention that working makes me miss Maury episodes which could be considered my biggest life crisis.

Overwhelmed with Support... and a retarded husband

Because I have not had a chance to respond to all of you individually, I didn't want your kindness to go unrecognized. After writing the blog about my health, I was honestly concerned that people would respond negtively. I have kept my health problems to myself out of fear that people would not understand. I'm not sure how I had the courage to write about my experience the other day (other than pills and anger) but the mass amount of messages of love and support have truly meant the world to me. I have recieved emails, texts, facebook messages and phone calls from people that I speak to frequently, on occasion and many that I have not been in contact with in years. So many people started their messages with something similar to "you may think I am weird for reading your page..." I want you all to know that I find you to be absolutely incredible for having the nerve to say something. Afterall, I am typically the only person willing to make a complete ass of myself. If nothing else, you have given me something to read while I have been stuck in bed in total agony. I am so blessed to know all of you and to have the support system that I do... On that note, I wanted to share with everyone the level of slowness I deal with on a daily basis where my husband is concerned...


I woke up this morning to Jared looking at the clock that had fallen over on the bedside table..

Jared: Wake up Mr. Quartz! I need to know what time it is.

(he sat the clock up and it said 5:40AM even though it was 10AM)

Jared: It is not 6:40AM, Mr. Quartz

Traci: Babe, it says 5:40 anyway.

Jared: shhh neither one of us can tell time... go back to sleep Mr. Quartz (as he lays the clock back down)

15 minutes later... (I think it was around 15 mins, but our clock doesnt work)

Jared: Baby... You know if you were a cookie I wouldve eaten you instead of marrying you...

Traci: umm thats kind of mean hun.

Jared: but youre not a cookie.. Youre a Traci.

He then ran down the stairs, came back up with a bag of cookies that he attempted to hide under the covers... Would have worked if the dogs didn't go totally crazy where he was laying... and if I didnt see him bringing them out of the covers to eat them.

Why was he hiding the cookies? Not really sure... considering I made them for him to eat.

Success UPS!

I am a very happy person. Although life throws me my fair share of obstacles, I have an amazing husband, 2 of sweetest dogs in the world (although they are the dumbest breathing creatures on the face of this Earth), a roof over my head, a loving family who I've grown to appreciate and adore and seriously incredible friends. But... I feel like I have had a whole lotta stupid thrown at me. People are starting to make me want to live in my closet. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure if there was a taco bell and Starbucks in there I wouldn't leave for days at a time.

I ordered a package from Apple several weeks ago. Needless to say, I still don't have it. However, UPS was curtious enough to contact me and explain why. They sent me a postcard explaining that the package was undeliverable because they did not have an accurate address on file. How nice of them to let me know... seriously... one problem though...

HOW IN THE EFFING WORLD DID THEY GET THIS DAMN POSTCARD TO ME?!?

Not that I am super smart but if they have my address to send me a postcard, I'd assume that they have my address to get my package to me?! UGHHHHH Freaking morons! The worst part is that the girl on the phone took like 20 minutes to understand my little dilema and lack of understanding. She kept repeating "Ma'am, we don't have a good address on file for you..." Finally she understood how I had lack of trust in what she was telling me being that THEY MAILED ME A POSTCARD!

Soooo anyway... Alaska is snowy and freakin cold. There is absolutly no sun for most of the day. Of course, however, there is sun for a few hours while I am at work. How do I know this if I am inside?! G-d and mother nature have positioned the sun in such a way that it aims directly in my window, perfectly hitting where my chair is and straight into my face. I wake up... it's dark. I go to sleep... It's dark. I go pee...It's dark. I eat... It's dark. I sit next to a window... BAM! it is sunnier than EVER! As if being in Alaska wasn't a big enough practical joke from a higher being. I am now the center of all the rays of sunshine for the entire state for 2 hours. It would be okay if the sun fully rose and was sitting above me... but in Alaska it is next to you and literally scorching the eyeballs and eventually the brains of anyone in its path.

Well, I have to go. My dog is pawing me in the face for unknown reasons.

I never want more money. Ever.

So I got kicked out of a certain military spouses facebook group. Knowing me, I'm sure yall are assuming that I said something stupid or offensive, but I swear I tried my best not to... This dumb girl was talking about how she doesnt understand why the military pay freeze is such a big deal.. For those of you that dont know, Obama and his crew are attempting to freeze military pay, take away pay increases even with promotion and raise copays/deductibles for tricare members. In the civilian world, people get increases in pay every year just for the fact that the cost of living goes up. So now, our husbands are supposed to sacrifice more than everyone else, live far from home, put their lives on the line AND not get extra benefits?!? Unless you count the mold in our army issued home to be a benefit... in that case, we are getting much more than most people. So this bimbo broad starts talking about how we all need to learn to save our money better so that we do not need the extra cash... I explained to her that it has NOTHING to do with being broke or not! She felt like it was patriotic or something to let them keep part of our pay... ugh. Next thing you know, my commenting privileges were revoked. Perhaps it was my comment about how we should break into everyones house that is on welfare, take their drugs and sell them.. that would get this country on the right track financially. Whatever.

On another note, can someone please tell me why my only bathroom is up a set of 20 stairs?!? Way to go military housing. Honestly. Why would you even build that piece of junk?!? Sometimes its not worth taking a piss. Im sincerely considering wearing diapers just to save myself from sore leg muscles by the end of the day. Not to mention my heart problems... my heart is stopping for 4 seconds multiple times a day. Ive been advised to never be alone... but going up a staircase just to pee totally makes sense. ughhhhh. Whats even better is my primary care dr diagnosed this as "chronic fatigue" before sending me to a cardiologist. HAHAHAHAHAHA im done. lol

Monday Morning

Ya know, Monday's have always been my least favorite day of the week. Something about alarm clocks, getting out of bed and going to work just doesn't make me happy. But you just don't understand the depth of Monday morning shittyness until you live in Alaska.

I woke up this morning to my husband freaking out. He was going to be late to PT because his car wouldn't start. Kinda weird being that our cars are well taken care of. So what was the problem? The car was frozen. Now I've lived in Maryland my entire life and it gets pretty freaking cold there. Funny thing, THE CAR NEVER FROZE!!! I'm not saying that there was never ice or snow on my car, but the vehicle itself being frozen to the extent that it wont turn on?! That's just absurd. Sooo I got out of bed at 5:45 AM and drove my husband to work...

But the chaos was just beginning...

I had to leave for work at 7 AM, figuring that was plenty of time to drive 13 miles before my 8 AM work day started. Ha, think again. I realize as soon as I get on the highway that unless I was born in an igloo, driving in an Alaskan winter is as dangerous as swimming in a Florida swamp. No exaggeration, there must be 5 inches of snow on the roads, covered by ice. The speed limit says 65, but common sense says put it in park. I guess I just don't get it. In Maryland, there are constantly snow plows and salt trucks busting their asses to keep the roads clear. Here, its survival of the dumbest. I guess whoever is most used to driving on snow gets where they are going the quickest, especially if they are trying to go to heaven.  Now, I haven't bought the $600 tires necessary to drive in this weather but I'm assuming that they don't do much good. It was like a war zone on the highway. The people of Alaska Vs. Mother Nature and lack of State help. People were sliding all over the highway, spinning in complete circles and even playing real live bumper cars AND THEN ACTING LIKE THEY HADNT JUST HIT ANOTHER PERSON! I had a jackass behind me riding my ass as if that would make me speed up! Public announcement to this guy and mindless assholes like him: I like my life and I won't die so that you can drive 55 mph rather than 45. Your Starbucks can wait! (I didn't have the nerve to say this to him because Alaskans all have guns, known fact... And we were going 45 on the highway in a winter wonderland which is not the prime time to hold a conversation/ argument).  You would think that Alaska, which is clearly where Santa lives, would figure out that it is NOT safe to drive down a ski slope. I've seen Ice Road Truckers on T.V and determined that I should pave my career path in a different direction. Instead, I have to be an ice road trucker to get to my alternate job choice. Ugh. As if being 5,000 miles from home wasn't hard enough...