Friday, December 16, 2011

Stating the Obvious

As an Army wife you learn to take things with a grain of salt. Every one has an opinion and most of the time its offensive. There are the people who tell you that the war your husband is fighting is pointless when a simple "thank you" would be just fine. Then there are people that think we live this life for the pay check (idiots) and health insurance. It is very rare that we come across those that truly understand that we are just lucky enough to be married to absolutely incredible men that have stolen our hearts.

I guess the point in writing this at midnight is to explain a few things. When you ask if I'm okay, I'm not. I'll simply tell you that I am because I know that telling you that I am an emotional wreck is not the answer that you are looking for. Let's face it; you wouldnt even know how to respond to that. Just like the thousands of other spouses going through this situation, I apologize to my daughter every day that her daddy is not here to watch her grow up, cry myself to sleep every night and then put on a smile to get through the day. I play recordable books as she falls asleep so that our daughter will know her daddy's voice and show her pictures so that hes not a stranger when he gets home. I constantly play through "what-ifs" in my mind and at 23 years old I know my husbands wishes for his funeral and have his will in my hand. I set alarm clocks at crazy hours so that I won't miss his calls and watch endless hours of tv so that I can escape from an extremely harsh and terrifying reality. Unlike many people my age, I am not worried about finding beer money or where the biggest party is. My priorities are different and in my opinion, much more significant. It annoys me when you tell me that you miss your boyfriend who is away for the weekend, but I won't tell you to your face. Just because your boyfriend/husband works 3 days on/ 4 days off doesn't mean that your life is comparable to mine.

I'm honestly annoyed by the countless Facebook messages asking if I'm okay. Maybe I'm ungrateful, maybe I'm just a bad person... but in all honesty, I would think that it goes without saying that I am not okay. I miss my husband. I miss sharing my life with my soul mate. I hate living 5000 miles away from my friends and family just to be alone but I know that my husband needs me to stay here. The next time that you want to ask the family of a deployed soldier if they are okay, I beg you to ask them if they'd like to talk about it instead. We're not okay. We're surviving until our lives return to us.


  1. You always know what to say and the BEST way to say it! Keep your head up girl your doing great <3

  2. this is really powerful, Traci. Sitting here crying for you. Wishing you continued strength in your time apart from Jared. Love love love, sophie b.(nfty mar)

  3. You really put a lot of things in perspective for me and i think it's huge that you care to make other people understand. you could be mean and angry at every person you came across and not a person in this world would be able to blame you. I'm not an army wife but i have some serious mad respect for all you ladies who are and am thankful for the sacrifices both you and your husbands make. <3